You Don't Need Soma!


Sunday, 2nd December 2012
NOIDA

I say things you want to, but won't, because of the mortgage.

Here's how to sign up for the new economy slavery program. Everyone's doing it. Don't get left out.

  1. Get a job. Get married. Find your wife another job.
  2. Take a bank loan. Buy a house on mortgage. Start paying monthly installments. Always hope that you can pay them off earlier than the term. Work hard. Stay late at the office. Screw your personal life.
  3. Suck up to your boss.
  4. Produce babies.
  5. Buy a car. Don't worry, there's a loan you can easily get for that.
  6. Feel rich.
  7. Eat fried chilly potato and drink beer every Friday evening. Stuff yourself with as much as you can of the carb-rich subsidized meal from the office canteen. That's value for money, man. It's almost like getting an increment, in kind. So, what if it is high-carb, high-sugar food? You can always buy a gym membership? Also buy some resistance bands and a few pairs of dumbells to keep at your place. Feel rich. Feel safe. Feel covered.
  8. Buy another car for the wife. You've still got some monthly savings. You can afford another set of installments.
  9. Your friends have the latest gadgets. Don't get left behind. There's all kinds of loans.
  10. Bugger off at the office every day for 2 hours with your homies at work. Never make haste. Haste makes waste; hurry makes curry. There's plenty of time in life. Take it easy.
  11. Pay for babies' education. Bank loan to your rescue.
  12. Remember to suck up to boss. Job lost, bank loan installment not paid, you on road. Suck up, suck up.
  13. Watch lots of advertisements. Talk about them. Make quiz contests about them at office. Participate in quiz contests about advertisement tag lines. Feel proud to know as many of them.
  14. Withdraw cash from ATM. Spend it. Feel great.
  15. Get many credit cards. Feel rich.

And so on.

Keep doing that for the rest of your life. You'll get great at it after a few years' practice.

And then there's this other alternative life-style of delaying instant gratification for buying financial freedom in a five to ten year span. I am not quite sure how it works. Here's the manual for that. But bugger it if we should be bothered. There's way too much risk in all that. And don't they tell us everytime after prayer at the local religious centre, "Money can't buy you happiness"?

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