Speaking
Methodology. Mitochondria. Leadership. I am so smart.
I know stuff you don't. Success strategy package for only $7,231 a piece. I know everything. You don't know stuff.
Center of Excellence (CoE). Thought leaders. I can change your life.
I am a professional speaker. I talk too much, mostly motivational gibberish. You know, the kind that overly priced speakers do. The ones that take all your money and make you feel good. I do that.
I like getting people all pumped up about setting goals and going after them. That's because I myself am a self-motivated individual.
I assure you, when I deliver a talk to your company's employees, the first impression they are going to get is, "Give or take, this thing is about 40 lbs over-weight."
And then immediately afterwards, their second thought will be, "He shouldn't talk so much about going to the gym when he himself needs it most."
If not soon after that, at some point in time, the thought will cross their minds that they are having a good time away from work.
I desperately feel the urge to fly on an airplane for free, stay at nice hotels and enjoy free meals, and visit the UAE, Dubai, Singapore, Hong Kong, USA, UK and some other countries I can't remember the names of unless I see the Atlas. It's been a while I have sat on an international flight. If you are one of those rich companies with lots of employees, and some spare cash, please hire me.
If you are a training manager at one of such companies, I might just be the person you are looking for. With your annual budgetary deadline approaching, you are, perhaps, worrying about how to spend the rather large still unspent portion of your budget. My overly priced programs help. You will be amazed at how I super charge both, your company's workforce and its bill. Just ask and I will help you spend your budget in no time.
Clarification
Some people get it. But some need to be told.
What I've written above is called poking fun at myself. It's called making people laugh, and having one yourself. It is what O.Henry said in the words, "Inject a few raisins of conversation in the tasteless dough of life."
It's technically a form of humorous writing, the name of which I forget, and don't really care.
If I really believed all that I said above, I'd never have been doing what I do. Years of listening to motivational messages, along with my testing circumstances at the beginning of my career, are what changed the course of my life. And they did it again now a second time.
I can stand at the top of a mountain and yell my lungs out. Motivation is the most essential for any individual to break all self-imposed limiting barriers, uncover his true potential, and push himself to realize it. There is no other discipline that can teach you this. You may read all your computer programming (or whatever your discipline -- chemistry, geography, general science, whatever) books all you want. But to fully realize your own worth, and what you are capable of, and then pursue that perfection, it is a must that you recieve some stimulus in the form of motivation, then whether that motivation comes from within, or from someone outside you -- a friend, family, or a professional expert.
Some people are self-motivated. Probably because life threw bad things their way and they chose to deal their way out of it by searching for resources within them, and in that way, stumbled upon a reservoir of inner strength. Some read motivational books every day, and/or listen to tapes. Some have parents and families and an environment of super achievers that motivate them on a daily basis. Those guys are lucky.
Most others need motivation to realize what they are worth. Each of you reading this is worth a lot more than you are currently being paid. And you are worth giving a lot more than you are currently giving. To yourself. My job is to show you how. My job is to make you believe.
This job is tough. It's not just standing up and winging it, blowing gas for two hours. It requires a lot of reading, a lot of sleepless nights of research, a lot of panic, a lot of fear, and a lot of fighting with the terror. It means waking up terrorized a lot of morning on the countdown to the stage day. And it requires a punchy delivery. And it requires standing up in front of a bunch of complete strangers and attempting to earn their loyalty and favor toward the end by prancing around. That requires guts. Statistically speaking, a survey reported that the fear of death was at number 4 on the list of fears that people had. Speaking in front of a group was at number 1.
I've watched enough footage of interviews of motivational speakers. I admire them for what they really are. They are the true heros of our society, not because of what they say on stage. But because of what each one of them has gone through in their personal lives to get to where they are now.
This job is tough, dear reader, mighty tough.
And the speakers deserve every bit of respect, fame and the money they receive. Far more.
It would've been funnier without this explanation.
